farewell miss molly muffin (mmm)

MUFFIN!!!
that was her name when i picked her up in cheyenne, wyoming in the sierra trading post parking lot. she wasn't a very happy dog - in fact, she was a snappy dog. and a big older girl, at that (85 lbs and almost 11 years old). i was a little anxious about having her in the car with me and not knowing what she was capable of. she'd been through a lot and probably had no idea what was going on. muffin's human mom got alzheimers and her family in kansas city relinquished her to ATRA when she went into a care facility. then she went to live in a home in wyoming, but that didn't work out either. i agreed to foster her at my home in denver. it was thought she would do best in a home without other animals and i had recently sent father and daughter airedale team, duncan and gypsy, to their forever farm in kansas. i really had no intention of fostering again - there is a satisfaction to doing good by these precious animals, but it is still heartbreaking for them to leave you.

but i'm a sucker, and priscilla asked, so there i was driving to wyoming to meet a pretty muffin airedale. it took us about 3 months to really trust each other, but i fell in love with her right off the bat. only problem was, i felt silly standing at the park calling out her name, 'MUFFIN'! so i prefixed it with miss molly and she became triple m to me. of course, she had lots of nicknames and songs to go along with them - munchkin, muffinhead, boo, miss thang, etc. such a smart girl - she picked up on it very quickly and was always so responsive. i never had any problems letting her off-leash. even when we walked down to the park one night and surprised a skulk of foxes. i let her chase them for a few seconds and then called her back with no incident. and the time camping when the moose approached our campsite she was at attention, but looked to me for direction. 'no, molly, no moose chasing today, please.' i got a ticket from the city of denver a few days before she died for 'dog at large' because she was walking right next to me off-leash when the dog cops drove by. i'm inclined not to pay that $80 ticket just out of principle.

she'd been with me for about a month when i found out she was a frisbee dog. we were camping with a group of friends and dogs and someone had a frisbee laying next to their chair. miss molly pranced over, gently picked it up in her mouth and started tossing it around for herself. i started throwing it for her and she would run run run to catch it and when catch it she did, she would proudly return to me with the disc. she loved to fetch balls, too - almost in an obsessive retriever sort of way.

her love of running and jumping is probably what did her knee in. in january, at 11 years old, she had an expensive knee surgery (tplo). even though she was older, she was still very active and with no other health issues, so we decided to go ahead with the procedure. in the process of healing from that, she tore the ligament in her 'good' knee, rendering her somewhat lame for a couple of weeks. it was determined that surgery was not the best option while still healing from the first one, so we tried a less expensive and invasive doggie knee brace. the theory being that the brace would provide stability in the knee while the dog would build up scar tissue where the ligament was torn. the scar tissue can make it appear that the ligament had grown back together and allow miss molly more mobility. she didn't like wearing the brace - we probably used it for a couple of weeks before she started getting around quite well without it.

mmm was with me for one year and 3 months and that's enough time to get really attached to any companion. earlier this year she was diagnosed with a melanoma in her mouth - a tumor right inside her bottom teeth. to remove the tumor would mean removing most of her lower jaw and either way she wouldn't be afforded many additional days. the doctor (the exceptional ryan cavanaugh at alameda east) gave her about 9 months and that was pretty spot on for when she began to deteriorate. she was spoiled more than ever before in those 9 months and was just about 6 weeks away from her 12th birthday when we sent her to airedale heaven. molly was a beautiful soul who captured the heart and attention of anyone around her. especially me. i miss you, miss munchkin. you will be forever in my heart.

http://picasaweb.google.com/amycaroline/FarewellMissMollyMuffin#

woody sex yoga

Playboy interviewed Woody Harrelson, who spoke about yoga.

HARRELSON: Yoga is the best thing for your sex life! It keeps you limber in all kinds of ways. It teaches you to love your body and your partner’s body. But more than anything, it keeps your mind liquid, and nothing’s sexier than that. Mind and body open to possibilities. I read this quote from Bruce Lee, one of the greatest quotes ever. He said, “Be water.” We can become so rigid in our beliefs, in our thinking, and I think yoga is a great way to force you outside of your mental and physical rigidity. My mind was rigid growing up, as I’ve explained, but so was my body. Super tight. Yoga started curing the chronic pain I had, but it also released my mind along with it. In many ways I feel I’m battling to stay liquid, to be like water. I don’t want to be a superficial guy, you know? I want to get out from under all the superficiality of our culture and live free of the strictures our society places on us. I want to be a sensory person but not be controlled by the senses. I want to live a spiritual life but not be controlled by religion. I want to live free but also devote myself to family and the love of the great woman I share my life with. What’s great is that for the first time I’m finding that balance. I still have a long way to go in some areas, but that’s part of what keeps things interesting—figuring it all out. But in general, man, I wake up every morning asking, “What the fuck did I do in my last life to deserve the amazing fucking life I got in this one?”

i would like to receive a letter like this....

My dearest Girl,

This moment I have set myself to copy some verses out fair. I cannot proceed with any degree of content. I must write you a line or two and see if that will assist in dismissing you from my Mind for ever so short a time. Upon my Soul I can think of nothing else — The time is passed when I had power to advise and warn you again[s]t the unpromising morning of my Life — My love has made me selfish. I cannot exist without you — I am forgetful of every thing but seeing you again — my Life seems to stop there — I see no further. You have absorb'd me. I have a sensation at the present moment as though I was dissolving — I should be exquisitely miserable without the hope of soon seeing you. I should be afraid to separate myself far from you. My sweet Fanny, will your heart never change? My love, will it? I have no limit now to my love — You note came in just here — I cannot be happier away from you — 'T is richer than an Argosy of Pearles. Do not threat me even in jest. I have been astonished that Men could die Martyrs for religion — I have shudder'd at it — I shudder no more — I could be martyr'd for my Religion — Love is my religion — I could die for that — I could die for you. My Creed is Love and you are its only tenet — You have ravish'd me away by a Power I cannot resist: and yet I could resist till I saw you; and even since I have seen you I have endeavoured often "to reason against the reasons of my Love." I can do that no more — the pain would be too great — My Love is selfish — I cannot breathe without you.

Yours for ever~
John Keats

heavy on my mind

the expectation

the hope

the disappointment

the desire

the world

the weight

the wait

the weight, the weight, the weight.....

weekend bliss

• three dinners with my bffs, rage and knox - friday, saturday AND sunday!
• baked a caramel apple cake from scratch - delish
  
• autumnal equinox supper club - good food, good friends, good belly laughs (see youtube at right for some video memories)
  
• led a decent yoga class on saturday (see theme below)
  
• good doggy walks with miss molly muffin
• house is clean (for now!)
  
• lovely weather and appreciation for nature - renewed connection to source
  
• mmmmm - coffee and matzoh ball soup for breakfast....
  

the autumn/harvest season is a period of time when we look back at the bounty of summer and prepare for the shorter, darker days of winter.  poet carl sandburg says, 'no beautiful thing lasts' and this is evidenced in fall as the leaves leave their branches and flowers fade and work themselves back into the earth,  reminding us of the impermanence of all life and how source always calls us back.

fall also makes me want to eat mashed potatoes. big, creamy, dreamy, whippy, fluffy white mounds of mashers.

maybe even while laying in bed with piles of pillows,  a good book and the dog.  and a nice, warm, comfie comforter.

the changing seasons are always a time of reflection for me - a cue on the calendar to consider what i've accomplished, what i want, how bad i want it and just what am i willing to do to get it. 

i am the queen of beginnings and the jester of finishing.  i get gung ho to do a project (home, art,  work, etc) and get bored after a bit.  that i completed my yoga teaching training is a gosh darn miracle. and it was hard!  i suppose this has something to do with my inability to maintain a long-term (romantic) relationship, as well.  i'd like to not work for the man and build a business that can support my lifestyle, but how scary is that?!?!   especially knowing that it could be something i start and don't follow through with.  

so, what am i doing wrong?  

is the gap between real life and my goals too big?

am i afraid to step out of my comfort zone?

what am i not hearing that the universe is telling me?  

am i too much of a control freak to be guided by the flow of the universe?
the trick is, as my teacher, shan, says, it not to just go with the flow, but to embody the flow. 

Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back-- 

Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth that ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: 

that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. 

All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. 

A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. 

Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. 

Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. 

Begin it now.

~Goethe

phriday filosofy (25 sept 2009)

There is no meaning to life except the meaning man gives to his life by the unfolding of his powers.  ~Erich Fromm


yom kippur begins at sundown on sunday.

birthdays to consider this week -
current US poet laureate
writer of 'A Boy Named Sue' and 'Where the Sidewalk Ends'
'onward & upward!' 
harper lee's lifelong friend and author of 'Breakfast at Tiffanys'
how do you solve a problem like maria?!
home of half-dome.

please reduce~reuse~recycle~respect~rejoice!

nadi/naughty

nadi (sanskrit) - channel, conduit, artery - the nadis constitute channels of flow of subtle vital force (prana)
naughty (english) - guilty of disobedience or misbehavior

A homophone is a word that is pronounced the same as another word but differs in meaning.

so, that's me - nadi amy! i am the channel by which my tribe (friends & family) comes together and i'm shameless, too (all good-natured, of course). now you know from whence the name originated.